Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
