is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
