Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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