In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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