We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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