Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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