I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
