when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms