im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.