Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
