dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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