I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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