if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
