Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
