I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
