I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
