The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
