I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
