Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
