So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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