Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
