if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
