The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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