so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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