Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
