WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
