You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
