Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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