I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
