you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
