Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
