I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
