if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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