I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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