That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
