Where is the hickey?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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