I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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