I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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