i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
