Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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