I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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