How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
