he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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