and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
