Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
