Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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