What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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