You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
