It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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