I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
