I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
