i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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