Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
