so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
