stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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