consequently i now know what mace tastes like
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
