The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
