Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
