be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
