rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize