i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
