The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
