so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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