dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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