the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
