Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
