I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
