I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
