a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
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It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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