Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
