he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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