this boner is exhausting
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
